Hear Us, Enemies: We're Looking Up Now!

So yeah, the fast-approaching release of a new My Bloody Valentine record ain't exactly news at this point, but if one must write a fluff piece, it might as well cover the wonderful men and women responsible for The EP -- oh, yeah, and that other thing.

What have I prepared for you, then? What could I possibly have in mind if even I concede this news to be old? Ladies and gentlemen, I've prepared a review of sorts of MBV's new record, Antidotes. Brief? Yes. Blunt? Yes. Serviceable? C'mere, Nariko!

1. "The French Open": A malignant radiologged popgrunge-meets-Ozzy riff leaves no room for the pop sensibilities of "Only Shallow", the compresson that beautified "Loomer".
   
2. "Cassius" - Dieu! Here there are cunning references to a man's personal life, a lyrical motif that's only recently replaced The Protest Anthem as the CanceRockist call to arms. Hey, I hope that divorce works out well for ya.
   
3. "Red Socks Pugie": Isn't Anything invented a genre and Loveless destroyed it: was I wrong to expect a new world to spring up here, a veritable "pop garden" replete with hooks and ____? (Sorry, MBV: that's your job.) There is no room for "core pop" on Antidotes.
   
4. "Olympic Airways": Mes chansons, que dieu les bénisse! What we have here is unfiltered, unimaginative blues-pop which manages to somehow stand in the shadow of the already-just-adequate "Red Socks"! I could get better entertainment strangling myself to Pokémon Blue.
5. "The Race For Radio Supremacy": But... but I'm avant-garde!
   
6. "Balloons"
   
7. "Heavy Water": Here's some supplementary listening.
   
8. "Two Steps, Twice"
9. "Big Big Love (Fig.2)": Sure, go ahead and sing -- no one listens to track 9 anyway, right?
   
10. "Like Swimming": Steal from yourself, be my guest! No one listens to track 10 anyway, right?!
    
11. "Tron": Oh to hell with it, it's time to come clean.

I didn't just rip into My Bloody Valentine. I fucking love My Bloody Valentine. Sorry, Mr. White, looks like the joke's on you. You know what won't have any of the above problems? The new fucking MBV record. 10.0/10 (Charmed)