Heavenly Sword: Fuck Your Office Job

The apparent (and uniquely post-2002 pre-1982) illegality of the "genre study" was already painfully evident with the release of Crysis earlier this year, and it was for this reason alone that I traveled with a lingering sense of doom to my local Blockbuster - fuckin' Blockbuster - to pick up Heavenly Sword.

I don't know what it was, perhaps my joy at having returned with what I'd come for on the first try? Whatever the cause, Panda Bear's Person Pitch sounded dramatically better on that drive home than it had had in the weeks and months prior. Not too hard to spot a PS3 fan, I conclude. Things are looking up for Heavenly Sword and I: I've some records in the queue that warrant a warmer listen.
I pop the game in and discover almost instantly that Nariko's design, which seemed at first to be a cynical attempt at raising a 12 year old's dick, was a blissfully-uncalculated and eerily-successful stab at raising mine. I frown slightly and shut down the PS3.

You know the drill. I'm not a bad guy for doing what the game so clearly wanted me to do within half a minute of booting it up. I'd seen enough! It was amazing: each time I thought I was done pullin' it it needed more pullin' - I soaked my PS3 controller and adjacent chair several times in under 10 minutes. And yeah, fuckin' yawn: I can see your dogs chasing me down already, one with "J-o-u-r-n-a-l-i-s-t-i-c--I-n-t-e-g-r-i-t-y" written across its teeth and the other with... wait, that's no dog at all!

So did I ever "play" it? Depends. I finally came around to Person Pitch (nice record!) and gratified myself in ways I'd previously thought impossible. Doesn't sound much like work to me. (Charmed)