Fuck Video Games (Vol. 3)

We're all trapped in fucking boxes. I already established that. So I think it's funny how, in the scramble to write all the year-end wrapups (NCA! GOAAAAL), the journalistically-inclined are reviewing the boxes that give us the boxes. You can call it what you want – I find the “six-sides of dick” more fitting than the “console war” – but because it's that time of year, I guess it's time to know just what side you're on.

Fuck video games.

No, this is not an endorsement, and no, I have no intention of turning this into a ForumPlanet discussion called “Xbox vs Wii vs PS3”... or “Halo 2 vs Half-life 2 vs Doom 3”... or, yeah, any of that. I'm also not gonna give you any of that “gamer unity” bullshit, or suggest to Jack Thompson that he “not fuck with us”, or even readily identify as a “gamer” in the first place. So I guess I'm not the right person to write this? Fuck! All dressed up and no place to go. Column canceled.

But uh, while you're here, let's talk about the possibilities for this NCA. Award shows are fun, as some of us know all-too-well, but they fail without proper declaration of intent. I'm going to take this time to throw out the names of some personal favorites as possible nominations, and I fully expect my colleague to follow suit:

Music
Tobacco – Fucked Up Friends
Women – Women
Max Tundra – Parallel Error Beheads You
Original Silence – The Second Original Silence
The Dead C – Secret Earth

Film
Wall-E
Fuck you?

Gaming
Metal Gear Solid 4
Mario Kart Wii
The Nintendo W-- Aww, fuck.