- 300's Fans: This is not Sparta, nor is it particularly madness. Additionally, we have no plans to dine in Hell tonight. I'm sorry to say that repeating these statements will not make them true. Even if you attach a zany photoshopped picture or wacky word replacement to it!
- NME: "Shoegaze" was bad. "Nu-rave" was worse. But I should be able to safely read an online conversation about the revival of "Shoegaze" without seeing a comment praising the arrival of "nu-gaze." Not "nu-gaze". I draw the line there. "Nu-gaze" just goes WAY too fucking far.
- Amy Winehouse: The scene: a TreasonShit concert in LA. Who are they? Oh, you know the drill... grindcore with a Foals bent, I guess. Wait, what's this? The leading lady seems kinda thin!
paris.by.night: Fuckin' Agamemnon, y'know?
paris.by.night: Oh, sorry chief!
paris.by.night: Sure thing.
Napoleon.In.Rags: Name one heroic thing Pete Doherty has ever done.
paris.by.night: I hear he's got the Jonestown Pout down pat.
paris.by.night: There's gotta be something in that?
Napoleon.In.Rags: Jonesto- what, what the fuck is that? That isn't anything, that doesn't mean anything! Now shut the fuck up before it turns into a genre!
Brian: Hey, I--
paris.by.night: Fuck, I guess you're right.
paris.by.night: Last thing we need is Pre-Jonestown No Wave records appearing on W.A.S.T.E. Central.
Napoleon.In.Rags: If ya don't cut that out right now, buddyboy, I'mma have to surround you and kick you into a conveniently-placed bottomless pit!
Napoleon.In.Rags: That- that's badass, right? That would be badass? Yeah? Alright, just checkin'. We're cool, we're cool.
paris.by.night: Leonidas... isn't that the name of a Jonestown Stomp record from the 70s?
paris.by.night: Wasn't very good, if I recall. Got a bit overplayed.
Napoleon.In.Rags: Now now. If it's good enough to have such a fuckin' meaningless genre, it's good enough to be played incessantly!
Napoleon.In.Rags: Babyshambles! Muse! Arctic Monkeys! All I got, folks, all I got!
paris.by.night: As much as I appreciate the fuckin' nu-town list--
Napoleon.In.Rags: Babyshambles! Babyshambles! Babyshambles! How many times I gotta say it to make you forget that it's the same band as The Kinks?
paris.by.night: Don't forget The Doors!
Napoleon.In.Rags: Wait, who?
paris.by.night: Quiet!
paris.by.night: I hear sandworms!
Napoleon.In.Rags: Wait, seriously! If these "Doors" are some sort of Yankee bollocks, you can't expect me to-
paris.by.night: You were AT that TreasonShit concert. They opened!
Napoleon.In.Rags: Hey, hey, keep your voice down. Can't expect Leonidas to bail us out of another sandworm attack, can we?
paris.by.night: Hey, I got a quick VAMPIRE WEEKEND theory.
paris.by.night: I know you're not tired of those!
Napoleon.In.Rags: Shoot!
paris.by.night: Alright, so I believe YOU were the one to originally show me the Winehouse before-and-after shot...
paris.by.night: Look at the high school side.
paris.by.night: Prep-rock.
paris.by.night: Do I gotta fill in the rest of the blanks?
Napoleon.In.Rags: So within ten years or so we can expect Vampire Weekend to have morphed into drugged-up goblins who ride piggyback atop slack-jawed, moaning convicts?
Napoleon.In.Rags: Or uh... you referring to the Grammy part?
paris.by.night: I...
paris.by.night: I think we've got a Jonestown Tossup on our hands!
Most charming in our eyes: Amy Winehouse (???)
Building Cities
- RPG Elements: I'd be overusing italics here like I usually do, but I guess my dexterity just isn't high enough. Ding!
- The iPhone: First and foremost a postmodern tool of deception. I know a guy with an iPhone. He has Cross on it. Impressive, eh? Guess what his favorite fuckin' track is.
- The Justin Timbaland War Machine: We've mentioned their name. Now they're aware of our existence. They smile, maybe chuckle a bit, and go to work on making a club remix of this blog.
Napoleon.In.Rags: Using what? A reasonable type of telephone, I hope?
paris.by.night: Well I tried, but these gentlemen aren't too responsive!
paris.by.night: They're wrapped up in some kinda fuckin' award show or something.
paris.by.night: So I've had to... well... you can take a quick look at the noms yourself.
Napoleon.In.Rags: Okay, let's see what we ha- what, fuckin' iPhone?
Napoleon.In.Rags: See, the thing about those is that Apple had to put "Phone" in the name, else nobody would remember that you can actually use them to make calls.
Napoleon.In.Rags: All surfing the internet, watching Lost and listening to Jet, when suddenly comes a mysterious ringing.
Napoleon.In.Rags: What, am I low on RAM? Is that it? Do I gotta upgrade my graphics card?
paris.by.night: I'm gonna walk you through a bit of the functionality I find useful 'cause I feel iPhones get a needlessly bad name, k?
Napoleon.In.Rags: Fire away!
paris.by.night: Alright, first: the actual interface is profoundly robust.
paris.by.night: "Interaction on new levels" and all that? No, it's mostly just dragging shit. But there's this button people don't usually use...
paris.by.night: It's tucked away in the corner of the Preferences menu. A little scope.
Napoleon.In.Rags: (Still no mention of phone calls)
paris.by.night: Wait, it's coming!
paris.by.night: (As best I can figger it) the scope button is some kind of primitive conference call feature
paris.by.night: Primitive in that you don't actually control which two people you find yourself speaking to!
Napoleon.In.Rags: I know many phones which trump the iPhone in this respect.
paris.by.night: Wait, hear me out!
paris.by.night: See, I've been trying for months to figure out why it's a scope button, right? Then earlier today I realized -- the two men on the other line are snipers but GET THIS -- they don't know it yet!
Napoleon.In.Rags: So call one of them on a reasonable phone! He'll tell the other and your problems are solved!
Napoleon.In.Rags: But you know what? Fuck that. On a reasonable phone, most you can do is get a Hannah Montana wallpaper.
paris.by.night: Hey, hey! Sorry to interject, but--
Napoleon.In.Rags: You're crusin' with an iPhone? Bam! You're watching her live concert DVD while listening to the studio version and looking up Wikipedia trivia about the TV show!
Napoleon.In.Rags: And this is the only acceptable use for an iPhone.
paris.by.night: You got a phone? Like just any old kind?
Napoleon.In.Rags: Yeah.
paris.by.night: Alright. I can tell from your glib description of the iPhone's function that you still don't take it seriously--
paris.by.night: so here, I'mma call you and your roommate up.
Napoleon.In.Rags: No, don't, you'll regret tha-
[The phone rings. He answers, don't ya know.]paris.by.night: I-- it's not working!
Justin: Who's this?
[Irreplaceable!]
[The One And Only.]
Justin: Aaaaand thanks for the samples. Hey Timbaland! Let's go crank this sucka out and buy a private jet.
paris.by.night: I swear, the iPhone is so useful!
paris.by.night: I was going to have those guys attack that one awards show--
Napoleon.In.Rags: Attack? Attack? Listen, asshole, I got a pair of pants that give me +50 Attack!
Napoleon.In.Rags: Pockets are just too small to fit an iPhone, don't ya know.
paris.by.night: Comfortable enough for a private jet?
Justin: Comfortable! There we go, I was lookin' for a song title.
Most charming in our eyes: The Justin Timbaland War Machine
Planting Trees In Cities
The Bioware Guys: The Bioware Guys: These two were inadvertantly responsible this year for the headline "Sexbox Sexpose!" That is all I can ask of two men.- Shigeru Miyamoto: Miyamoto-san, can you help me read the sign in the castle garden? It's blurry, I... what's that? No, please don't leave, I-- oh. It's so cold in here.
- Thom Yorke
Napoleon.In.Rags: Do you think if we apologize now, could we still-
paris.by.night: Naw. I already sent the nominations in.
paris.by.night: Best to move forward from here, I guess...
paris.by.night: Try to deal with the fact we just pit Thom Yorke against other people?
Napoleon.In.Rags: Yeah, well, ah- okay, uh... paltry commendations for the other two nominees? Is that how we wanna play it?
paris.by.night: That's how it's gotta be. Mario Galaxy was a good time.
Napoleon.In.Rags: And, well... I read some good reviews of Mass Effect?
paris.by.night: Fuck! We really dug ourselves in this time, didn't we...
Napoleon.In.Rags: We still have a few scrolls to go! We can't just end here, but... what the fuck do we say?
paris.by.night: This was really, really dumb, I--
Napoleon.In.Rags: Can we just stop now?
Napoleon.In.Rags: Like, is that allowed?
Administrator: Tsk, tsk. No, boys, this just won't do!
Napoleon.In.Rags: Fuck! We gotta pay the bills!
Administrator: Listen, boys, I been in this business a long time. I seen kids like you rise and fall like a shitty nu-town record in a fickle editorial. I seen girls -- good, reasonable, KIND girls -- slandered mercilessly in shit like this. In this.
Napoleon.In.Rags: I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry!
Napoleon.In.Rags: Look, we'll fix this! We'll-
Administrator: Boys, I'm gonna need you to apologize.
Napoleon.In.Rags: - we'll put everything-
paris.by.night: Huh? He just di--
Administrator: Apologize to this poor girl right here.
paris.by.night: Listen, sir, there's a certain degree of journalistic integrity that needs to be respected here, and--
Administrator (The Gentile): They call me a man of old-fashioned values, kid. You? You call me 'sir'.
paris.by.night: But what of... what of the very institution of the editorial?!
The Gentile: You boys are complainin' about a past decision. No amendments in this constitution, kids. I've taken in young Amy and --
Napoleon.In.Rags: - hey! You two fuckbags, shut up and listen!
Napoleon.In.Rags: This is all a foregone conclusion, 'cause like I said, I'mma fix this! I'mma put everything-
Yorke: - everything -
Yorke: - in its right place.
The Gentile: [Sputtering] M- Mr. Yorke, you've got to understand me, I--
Yorke: What was that you tried to say?
The Gentile: You've got to--
Yorke: Tried to say?
The Gentile: Please! We--
Yorke: Tried to say!
Most charming in our eyes: Thom Yorke
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